It was his own idea, but now he won’t follow through on it. I don’t know why. It’s not as if writing is difficult for him: I’ve got a trunk full of his unpublished novels. Wait, maybe it’s not a good idea to mention that right now.

Anyway, there’s no shortage of people who will agree that Gumby should be blogging. As Exhibit A, I offer this random sample of his prose from the 1980s:

This is the story of Lady Marmot and her nine children and her prehensile tail and the trouble they when aaaa bbbb cccc dddd !@#$%%^&*

This is Gumby in a nutshell, even if it’s true he was only checking out his typewriter after getting it back from the repair shop. It’s time to let him know we care.

No full names please, since we’d all like to preserve the dignified anonymity of our private lives. Yes, the FBI has software that can locate Gumby’s prose style anywhere on the Internet, but it is often fooled by badly-translated appliance manuals and we’d like to keep it that way. Just write “Gumby should blog” on a fresh 4 x 6 inch index card and slip it under his door. After all those years in grad school, anything written on a 4 x 6 index card is like the Ten Commandments to Gumby.