Fame is a strange thing. We worship our celebrities and live our own lives vicariously through them. But sooner or later someone will always ask, “Who is that guy anyway?” Like it matters.

Professor Gumby’s origins are too shocking to reveal suddenly and without warning to an unsuspecting public, but suffice it to say he began life as an American expatriate and was introduced to his mother country at a tender age via its most typical and representative city, Las Vegas, Nevada. It was here that he immediately began uttering the kind of language that we have to edit out of his writings in order not to have our account shut down.

In the 1980’s your humble Editor first met Gumby in the graduate English department of the University of Texas at Austin. Here we dreamed of charming careers in the groves of academe and argued about deconstructionism with the other grad students who had not committed suicide yet. Gumby’s later career was checkered. His attempt to write a cheap romance novel for quick cash resulted in a $20 prize from a Norwegian surrealist journal. His foray into the advertising industry sank with the failure of Free Willy brand tuna (“Kids! Free Willy from this can!”)

Today Gumby leads a quiet life in an undisclosed location. Seriously, I have no idea where he is. But thanks to the magic of the internet we’re all connected, and someone has to protect Gumby from the world, and vice versa, while still giving Gumby room to expose himself. I mean express himself. This is my humble mission.

Herman Melville Fidge, Editor