Fame is a strange thing. We worship our celebrities and live our own lives vicariously through them. But sooner or later someone will always ask, “Who is that guy anyway?” Like it matters. Professor Gumby’s origins are too shocking to reveal suddenly and without warning to an unsuspecting public, but suffice it to say he began…

We have finally made contact with Professor Gumby. We had thought that he was being silent for the usual reasons, namely shyness, humility, and anonymous threats. Now we know the real cause: he’s been typing his username into the password box and vice versa. Furthermore, we’ve been asked to edit Gumby’s prose for grammar and general decency,…

It’s now four hours since we began these appeals, and still no blog post from Professor Gumby. Gumby, if you’re listening, just let us know your demands. We’ll wash your car. We’ll make your favorite French toast with marshmallows and bourbon. We’ll change your pseudonym to anything you want. Almost anything.

It was his own idea, but now he won’t follow through on it. I don’t know why. It’s not as if writing is difficult for him: I’ve got a trunk full of his unpublished novels. Wait, maybe it’s not a good idea to mention that right now. Anyway, there’s no shortage of people who will agree that Gumby…