Ariel asked me the other day if I’d heard of something called Image Streaming. I thought this might have something to do with YouTube, so I absentmindedly said yes, but that was a mistake. Image Streaming turned out to be a technique she’d read about for unleashing certain amazing powers hidden in the human brain. Ariel believes…
One day last week I told Ariel I was going to the post office to mail a package. Her eyes got big. “You’re going out?” she asked, in a tone that would have made perfect sense if I’d had two broken legs and yellow fever, but I didn’t. I was perfectly healthy and I have…
About Time! It is time. I’ve been hearing that a lot lately, in one form or another, from a book, a somebody, a computer screen. I thought I heard it in those strangulated snap gasps of bubble wrap I’ve been stomping in the garage. (I’ve reached that time in a man’s life when he decides…
See also: The Blind Date It’s 1986 and four people are rolling through Europe in a rental car. I don’t think Debbie was depressed on that trip, although I seem to recall she married a dentist afterwards. I knew almost nothing about Debbie at the time, and today, after 27 years and innumerable blows to…
This is another moldy tale from the days of Van Halen and Ronald Reagan. Young readers unfamiliar with the term “blind date” may consult Wikipedia. The one I’m about to relate is not typical, partly because it lasted for 15 days, and partly because it was Gumby who arranged it. It started one summer when…
Please don’t just rush out I-10 as soon as you read this.
Continued from: Road Trip (part 1 by Gumby) “I’ll tell you on the way to the…” [Ed: Yes, that’s where Gumby left it. It’s bad enough I have to edit his stuff (“lugubrious” – really?) but now I have to finish his pieces for him. Oh well, let me at least get out of these…
[Ed: In which Gumby reveals his age.] This morning I woke up with both arms pointed at the ceiling. What does it mean? I stole this from a list of musicians people today (2013) wish would just go away.
Are you confused? Do you wish for simpler times? Me too! Or I did until I rediscovered this state-of-our-planet description on the back of a folk music album from 1968: We live in “a world so wrought and chained with meaningless ideas that its dreams are merely pastel colored nightmares.” Can I get that in…
Fame is a strange thing. We worship our celebrities and live our own lives vicariously through them. But sooner or later someone will always ask, “Who is that guy anyway?” Like it matters. Professor Gumby’s origins are too shocking to reveal suddenly and without warning to an unsuspecting public, but suffice it to say he began…
Gumby & Fidge 